Okay, yeah, I’ve got an apology: So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Helena Lubetkin’s life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Helena, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Helena said. And we gave her these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and we turned her best friends against her. And then … oh yeah, Steve, you know my friend Steve. She made out with Helena’s boyfriend and then convinced him to break up wither her.
Oh, God, and we gave you foot cream instead of face wash.
God! I am so sorry, Helena. Really, I don’t know why I did it. I guess it’s probably because I have a big lesbian crush on you.
Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you’re a home-schooled jungle freak, that’s a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don’t try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c…
And that’s how Helena Lubetkin died.
I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair, she’d look like a British man.
Okay, yeah, I’ve got an apology: So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Helena Lubetkin’s life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Helena, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Helena said. And we gave her these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and we turned her best friends against her. And then … oh yeah, Steve, you know my friend Steve. She made out with Helena’s boyfriend and then convinced him to break up wither her.
Oh, God, and we gave you foot cream instead of face wash.
God! I am so sorry, Helena. Really, I don’t know why I did it. I guess it’s probably because I have a big lesbian crush on you.
Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you’re a home-schooled jungle freak, that’s a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don’t try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c…
Let me tell you about Neal. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Neal was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Kyle, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for my birthday party, which was a pool party, I was like, “Neal, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re lesbian.” I mean I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? He was a LESBIAN. So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to him, and he came back in the fall for high school, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird, and now I guess he’s on RIGHT NOW.
